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Delightful and ScaryMarch 17, 2003 6 out of 9 found this review helpful
Viorst's book is a delightful, cheerfully written delivery of the tragic news psychoanalysis brings. A spoonful of sugar, indeed! Viorst mostly makes her case with authority, though one could do without her really rather dreadful poems peppering the text. Further, her point of view is too often limited to the imagined upper middle class audience one assumes is buying this book. Nevertheless, the book is useful, as it allows us a clearly-written opportunity to once again remind ourselves of the horrifying truths psychoanalysis has unearthed, to the benefit of our having a realistic approach to the world.
Important book!January 4, 2003 79 out of 81 found this review helpful
I spent a couple of years of my clinical training working at an agency that offers grief counseling and maintains a twenty-four hour suicide prevention hotline. I chose Ms. Viorst's wonderful book to write a report required for the agency's training class in grief counseling. We also were given an assignment to prepare a list of the losses we experienced over the course of our lives. What an enlightening exercise, especially as we listened to fellow students share what they'd written! Others' losses reminded many of us of events we'd forgotten, events that had affected us profoundly. It is so easy to forget what is most painful!
Contrary to what some reviewers have said, the information that Ms. Viorst offers in her excellent book is not widely appreciated. I've worked with grief clients whose therapist referred them to the agency when they experienced a significant loss. I've been on the hotline when therapists as well as regular folks called with their bewilderment at how to respond to the loss of a loved one, or equally baffling, how to be with a friend who has experienced such loss. Ms. Viorst normalizes the inevitability of loss and rightly observes how our growing capacity to hold ourselves open to these losses deepens our human experience. I've recommended the book many times to both clients and friends. I encourage those who pick up the book to slow down and digest what she has to say. Let the thoughts seep through your days and weeks, your meetings with friends and family. Buddhists meditate on the vase already broken. In truth everyone we love will be lost to us, whether through their passing or our own. It is not morbid to recognize that fact. Rather it can become the beginning of appreciation and gratitude. Ms. Viorst is not a Buddhist, so far as I know, but she clearly recognizes this ancient wisdom. Opening one's heart to loss is a sure way to open to love.
Not Revolutionary, Original, or Complicated, But Very GoodNovember 25, 2001 30 out of 30 found this review helpful
This book is mainly about perspective and coping. The general idea is that not only are losses unavoidable in life, they are also necessary. Every decision involves loss (i.e., when you choose A over B, you lose the the chance to also choose B), and every loss involves learning and growth. When we lose someone or something important to us, we have the opportunity to discover strengths within ourselves. Viorst is not glib about these losses, however, and does not dismiss the pain involved. The pain is part of the growth and self-discovery. This theme is a first cousin to "Anything that doesn't kill me, makes me stronger." The book also has some interesting ideas about how losses are key elements to human development across the entire lifespan. It is a bit sobering to read, but is very worthwhile.
Excellant Read; Revealing More as You Go Through LifeNovember 27, 2000 23 out of 25 found this review helpful
This book is nearly a masterpiece. While it is obviously influenced by the best parts of pscychoanalysis, it is far from dogmatic and reveals how all human beings suffer a succession of separations and losses from which we (hopefully) grow. It is not a book about "Winning through adversity" or "The will always triumphs", but in times of profound life change; it always has something to offer and is ultimately quite reassuring. I have owened an earlier edition doe over 12 years and still refer to it from time to time. A must read for anyone who seeks understanding of their life and the passages we go through, including how our earlier experiences influence our later ones.
Loss of my Time....June 13, 2000 24 out of 61 found this review helpful
This book was long and tedious to read. It did not offer anything fresh or new to me as I read through the book. The author obviously loves Freud because as I was reading through this lengthy book it seemed every other quote was from Freud.
If you have a degree in psychology or human development do not waste your precious time reading through this dribble. All this book does is give you boring story after story and eventually gets to the authors point.
Sure we all grieve and lose things throughout our lives, but who is this author to say that what she has written is fact? She quotes Freud relentlessly and who is to say he is correct?
If you're a critical thinker don't read this book. If you don't have much time to read, don't read this book. It would be better for you to go get a biography of Freud then to read this book, because you will learn just as much there as you would in this book.
I'm giving this book 2 stars because the author did make a few points, although they were vague in comparison to her points on Freud.
